you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
