The best revenge is premature balding
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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