Me. At least after what I've been through.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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