are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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