he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
