birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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