There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
