Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
