He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
