either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
