I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize