She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
