Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
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Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
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If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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