how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
