Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
