i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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