this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just found puke in my bra..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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