I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just want to make out with him forever
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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