Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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