I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
