Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
