Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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