What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
