Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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