Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just threw up on my dentist
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
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