i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
