her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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