i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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