"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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