I haven't been this sober since birth.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
