Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
