Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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