Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize