pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I forgot wine drunk hurts
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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