yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
