I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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