just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Your cock deserves a montage
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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