I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
from now on my penis is your penis
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
