i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
