I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
