her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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