I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
