Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
