Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
