So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize