I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Why is there bacon in the couch?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
