I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
