Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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