i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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