3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
