my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
