Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
