It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
