At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
