Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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