He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
