I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
