My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
