the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
