At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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